Emotionless
by AlchemistArekku
Summary: Oneshot: Ever wonder what caused Envy to despise his father? What makes him come back as Envy? This is a tribute to his prior existence before his rebirth as a homunculus. R&R please.


**Emotionless**

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Full Metal Alchemist nor the lyrics featured in this oneshot. The lyrics are licensed by Good Charlotte which are entitled 'Emotionless' hence the title.

**Written by:** Arekku

I wake up with an apathetic taste in my mouth. My room is still caressed in darkness. Silently, I shift to sit with my legs over the edge of my bed. I wonder what time it really is. It is a rarity among others for me to wake this early. I'm the type who usually sleeps in until the afternoon. Ah well.

My feet touch the cold surface of my floor. I begin walking in the direction of my kitchen, opening the door blocking my way. A light shiver crawls up my spine the corridor is freezing. The source of the coldness was coming from all the open windows. What the hell was my mother thinking?

Ah, there's the kitchen door. And apparently my mother was up, for the door stood ajar with a jet of obscure light shining through. As I got closer I realized she wasn't alone. Voices were talking quietly. One belonged to my mother and the other belonged to him. That scum. So he has returned? After being away from us for more than half of my life. I stand outside the door eavesdropping on their conversation.

"Will has been doing well" that was my mother's voice. "More importantly, how have you been doing?"

"Dante, I am here to deliver some news to you. Something I am afraid I feel no guilt towards"

I peer into the crack. By the sound of things he wanted to get right into his reasoning for the visit. He sat directly across from my mother hands clasping a manmade mug. Steam drifted like smoke before his tense face. I glared at him fiercely. By the pause I could tell my mother was lost for any usage of words. Which usually meant she was shocked or hurt.

"You know as well as I do, we were nothing but lovers. William was a mistake" I froze. A pang of rage stung my heart. So the questions are finally being answered. Even if I already knew what he would respond with. Hearing the actual words….

He continued. "I've married a woman I love. She has taught me the meaning of love. It isn't this. This game we've invented of using each other. This woman cherishes me and cares. As do I for her."

"Well, its not that simple is it? You have a son here who needs-"

"My wife is having my child"

No longer can I stand here listening to this idiocy. My hand grasps the door and I thrash it open. I see my mother turn her face to me. Her face was red but still holding that proud expression. That bastard takes a sip of his tea. Oh I don't think so.

"Get the hell out of this house now!" I hiss, my voice hoarse with rage. His eyes meet mine no sign of intimidation. He smiles. That smile he uses to handle any problem.

"William, it is nice to see you"

"Don't fucking give me that bullshit!" I retort glaring daggers. "I heard everything! How you're leaving behind your mistake which you can't fix!"

His eyes drop to the liquid in his mug. What is this? Guilt? …Disgusting.

"You can't wait to leave. So you can see that whore you married. And bring up that spawn of you because this time it wasn't a mistake! But you know what? I don't care. Because you don't care about us," I gestured towards my mother.

"William, you don't understand"

"Just leave"

"Hohenheim, this is your decision so I have to respect it. But if you ever return I'll have to kill you" I glance back again; my mother's face didn't hold it's original pride. Instead her eyes were in flames and her lips were firmly pressed. I internally disagreed with her. I would not let her kill him. Not before I do.

I still remembered him as he walked out. I fled to the window to see him that final time. His back swallowed by the darkness.

After that day I knew I could never forgive him. He broke my mother's heart. I know this because from that day on she changed. She became apathetic and set on creating greater philosopher stones. She talked about creating living dolls called Homunculi to help her do her bidding.

Something that interested me, because homunculi are the closest things to being immortal. With intensified power that doubled those of humankind. However, that bastard is the only one who could correctly configure the stone. Which was needed to make proper homunculi without a large payment of flesh and blood.

A smile curled my lips. A light was lit.

On the eve of my eighteenth birthday I sat writing a letter. A letter, which I would be sending to that scum. The contents of the letter were an invitation to him. Notifying him to visit because I had become gravely ill. Laying a guilt trip yadda, yadda, yadda. Once I was satisfied with the sprawled words engraved on the paper I folded and enveloped it. Licking and stabbing a stamp on the front.

I sat there feeling accomplished. Eyeing the envelope on the table and the paper littering underneath. My eyes glanced to the Mercury sitting proudly on the corner of my desk. And for the first time in my life I felt lugubrious. I pulled loose a piece of paper and picked up my pen. My hand moving on its own accord. It was like writing a testimony of my true feelings. Feelings I try so hard to bury. After half an hour I pulled back to see what I had written.

'Hey dad  
I'm writing to you  
Not to tell you  
That I still hate you  
Just to ask you  
How you feel?  
And how we fell apart?  
How this fell apart?

Are you happy out there  
In this great wide world?  
Do you think about your son?  
When you lay your head down  
How do you sleep at night?  
Do you even wonder if we're alright?  
But we're alright  
We're alright

It's been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren't you there the nights that we cried  
You broke my mother's heart  
You broke your child for life  
It's not ok but we're alright  
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes  
But those are just a long lost memory of mine  
I spent so many years  
Learning how to survive  
Now I'm writing just to let you know  
I'm still alive

The days I spent  
So cold, so hungry  
Were full of hate  
I was so angry  
The scars run deep inside  
This tattooed body  
There's things I'll take  
To my grave  
But I'm ok  
I'm ok And sometimes I forget  
This time I'll admit  
That I miss you  
I miss you  
Hey dad'

I glared vigorously at the letter. My hand grasps the drawer handle and I tear it open. Immediately my hand digs inside the contents. I make a sound in my throat when I find what I was searching for. I flicked the ignition and watched with satisfaction as the paper turned to ash.

Grasping the first letter in my hand, I drew my last breath. Before I poured the poison into my eager mouth and drank every drop of the burning venom. My final memory was a single tear and the sound of my body writhing on the floor.

* * *

I was going to continue on when Dante finds William's (Envy's) body, gets Hohenheim, and they bring Envy back to life, but I didn't want to. Lol however, I may write those bits if you want me to. Also I realized a while in that Envy was already created when Ed was born. And that he had been for a while. So I hope you can be open-minded and forget that little detail lol. 

Btw this was written because of my feelings towards my own father. Not quite as major as Envy's but I am upset with mine.

Anyway please R&R. I'd appreciate it.


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